The New Way to Stop the Daily Battle of Wills and Raise a Secure and Well-Behaved One-to Four-Year-Old
By Dr. Harvey Karp
America’s top doctors are lining up to praise a new book and video that are destined to become classics in the field of parenting!
“You want help? This is r-e-a-l help!
The Happiest Toddler is one of the smartest parenting books of the past decade!”
--Kyle Pruett, MD, Professor of Child Psychiatry, Yale University School of Medicine,
Past President Zero-to-Three
“Dr. Karp's excellent approach makes raising toddlers a whole lot easier.”
--Steven Shelov, MD, Editor-in-chief, American Academy of Pediatrics’ Caring for Your Baby and Young Child
Anyone living with toddlers knows how quickly they can change. One minute all is bliss -then BAM! – they erupt into a mega-tantrum on aisle 6 at K-mart! No wonder exhausted and time-crunched parents feel trapped in a revolving door of “No!” and “Don’t!”
But all that is about to change. But never again will you be helpless while your toddler screams and screams. Help has arrived!
"The Happiest Toddler is terrific...and fun! It will help parents, grandparents and everyone who cares for toddlers be more effective."
--Martin Stein, MD, Professor of Pediatrics, University of California San Diego
In a breakthrough new book and video, THE HAPPIEST TODDLER ON THE BLOCK (Bantam Books 2004), celebrated pediatrician and child development expert, Dr. Harvey Karp reveals a treasure sought by parents for centuries – the secret to calming tantrums in minutes…or less!
Two years ago, Dr. Karp stunned the medical world (and made parents cheer!) by solving the 3000-year-old mystery of colic with his discovery of the calming reflex – the “off-switch” for crying that can soothe almost any fussy baby in seconds. His extraordinary book and video, The Happiest Baby on the Block, have literally redefined our culture’s understanding of newborns.
And now Dr. Karp is amazing the medical world once more with an innovative view of toddlers that will transform our understanding of this challenging age, forever.
“Dr. Karp has done it again!
The Happiest Toddler is a joyous adventure…with pearls of wisdom on every page.”
--Morris Green, MD, Director, Behavioral Pediatrics, Indiana University, Riley Hospital for Children
"Dr. Karp helps parents turn the "terrible" twos into "terrific" twos. His work will revolutionize the way our culture understands toddlers!"
--Roni Cohen Leiderman, PhD, Associate Dean of Childhood Studies, Nova Southeastern University
Dr. Karp explains that watching toddlers is like traveling back in time. “Toddlers are not so much little children as little…cavemen!” Cavemen were stubborn, opinionated, and not too verbal. They bit and spat when angry, were sloppy eaters, hated to wait in line, and were negative, tenacious, distractible, and impatient…sound familiar? (No wonder, the first chapter of THE HAPPIEST TODDLER is named “Help! There’s a Neanderthal in My Kitchen!”)
It’s a comical image, but comparing little kids to primitives is no joke. Dr. Karp argues that toddlers can only be understood by taking one giant step…backward! During three short years, toddlers zoom through the major achievements of almost 5 million years of human evolution: walking, talking, tool making, and problem solving.
"Parents will be delighted by this clever approach to communicating with toddlers. It allows us to see the world from our children's unique point of view."
--Janet Serwint, MD, Professor of Pediatrics, Director of the Harriet Lane Children’s Clinic, Johns Hopkins School of Medicine
Dr. Karp says, “We all get more rigid when we’re upset, but frustrated toddlers become absolutely prehistoric!” He tells parents to think of themselves as ambassadors from the 21st Century to the Neanderthal people. “Once we see kids in this revolutionary ‘evolutionary’ light, tantrums, power struggles and even peeing on the carpet all start to make sense…and parents learn to soothe even agitated toddlers quickly.”
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In THE HAPPIEST TODDLER, parents learn:
* The #1 rule of good communication – the “Fast Food Rule.”
* Four easy steps for translating anything into a child’s primitive language - Toddler-ese.
* Foolproof ways to encourage good behavior (time-in, praise, rewards, “gossiping”, etc.).
* How to quickly halt misbehavior (using good communication, ignoring and time outs).
* Smart solutions to the prickliest problems of the toddler years (including sleep issues, toilet training, separation anxiety, biting, picky eating, sibling rivalry, fears, etc).
You can defuse most meltdowns in minutes if you know. In his new book and video, The Happiest Toddler on the Block, child-development expert and pediatrician Harvey Karp, M.D. reveals some revolutionary new solutions for problems from tantrums to picky eating. Here he tells how to soothe your tot's tears and help her feel loved and understood by learning to…speak her language.
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Q. You've gone from teaching about crying babies in your first book and video, The Happiest Baby on the Block, to toddlers having tantrums. What will parents
learn from this second book that they don't already know?
A. In my new book I present a fun and easy approach to raising great toddlers based on a fascinating new concept. As silly as it sounds, the best way to think of children between the ages of 1 and 4 is as little…Neanderthals! Don't get me wrong, I love toddlers. They are sweet and fun, but they can also be wild and impulsive, especially when they’re upset. They grunt, grab, scratch and shriek like uncivilized little cavemen. Yet, when you learn to speak your toddler's primitive language – Toddler-ese - you'll often be able to soothe his outbursts in minutes.
Q. So what's the secret for talking Toddler-ese?
A. When little kids are happy, we speak to them with our normal words, tone of voice, and gestures. After all, that's ultimately how toddlers learn language. But the more angry, frustrated, scared, or sad your child gets, the more fuzzy your words will sound to her. At that point, it helps to translate what you say into Toddler-ese. It’s as easy as 1…2…3!
Here’s how:
First, use very short phrases. Long sentences are tough for stressed out toddlers to comprehend. Stick with one- to three-word phrases (three to five words for verbal toddlers). Second, repeat those phrases over and over. Young children often need five to ten repetitions to get their attention and focus on what you are saying.
Finally, be an actor. How you say your words is even more important than what you say. Match your tone of voice, facial expressions, and body gestures to her level of emotion. Pout, wave your arms, furrow your brow and dramatically echo her complaints to show you understand exactly how your toddler feels.
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Q. Why do toddlers have such a hard time listening?
A. Our little cave-kids have trouble listening because they’re very distractible, especially when they’re upset. That’s why you’ll be much more successful getting your child to focus if you first calm him down by paying attention to him with a minute of your best Toddler-ese. That lets him know you understand and care about his feelings. Once he begins to settle you can offer a distraction ("Hey, look at this book."), logic (“It’s too hot to drink.”) or reassurance ("It’s OK, it’s OK…you’re alright”). Calm kids are better listeners (none of us tune in well when we’re in the middle of a meltdown).
Imagine your 18-month-old is standing at the door, screaming to go outside. Don’t just squash his hopes by telling him why he can't go ("It's raining”). First, acknowledge his feelings …in his own energetic language. Say in Toddler-ese, “You say, ‘Go, Mommy. Go! Go!' You want out, now! Out! Out! Out! You're bored, bored, bored!" With gestures and a dramatic tone repeatedly echo his feelings. Once your irate little caveman realizes that you truly understand his whining and wailing will noticeably diminish. That’s the signal that it’s your turn. That he’s ready to hear your reasons, reassurance, options, etc.
Q. But what if your child is doing something that's clearly wrong? Might echoing her feelings accidentally make her think that you’re agreeing with her?
A. Every day, your prehistoric little toddler experiences a roller coaster of powerful emotions. One of your prime goals during his toddler years will be to encourage him to confidently express his feelings yet teach him to restrain his unacceptable actions.
Of course you should skip echoing and immediately express your message if your child is in danger (she runs into the street), being aggressive, or breaking an important household rule. However, in less urgent situations, take a minute to lovingly show your tot that you sincerely care about his feelings, but that doesn’t mean that you will tolerate misbehavior.
When he yanks a truck out of his friend’s hands, for instance, take a few seconds to repeatedly (and dramatically) describe what he’s doing and how you think he feels- even if you disagree with him. Before teaching him a lesson about sharing, say something like, “You want! You want! You want it now! You say, 'Give me the truck. I want it now!'" Then, after he starts to settle down, add your mini-message, "But, no grab…no grab. It’s Jake’s turn." Learning and emotion are like oil and water…they just don’t mix. Calm children learn much faster and acknowledging their feelings in Toddler-ese is the key to quick calming.
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Q. What are the main secrets to raising "the happiest toddler on the block"?
A. There are three:
1. Play and talk together a lot. Just as feeding dimes into a parking meter all day long protects you from dreaded tickets, many five and ten minute helpings of playtime throughout each day ward off temper outbursts and create a growing relationship of cooperation and caring with your toddler.
2. Establish clear and consistent limits. Toddlers like uncivilized little
cavemen, will push you around if you're wimpy about the rules. But, pick your
battles. Only set limits you know you can enforce and then be prepared to
take a stand.
3. Above all, treat your child with respect. Even when he’s doing something you hate, always show respect with your words and actions. One of the best ways to you’re your respect is to try to speak to him in his own primitive language. Energetically echoing your toddler’s feelings will help you quiet the yelling, lessen the frustration and create a more loving, happy time for both of you.